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My Future Self

Who am I?

By T MPublished 6 years ago 4 min read
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Full Athletic Scholarship to a NCAA division one school to compete in both Track and Field and Cross Country. You could say I was living the dream, but one persons dream isn't always what it seems.

I started off skeptical, nervous to leave the warm comforts of my home and my native country Canada. The opportunity of a lifetime had presented itself to me and I was moving to America, at least for the next four years until I completed my degree. Within those four years I competed on the track and on the cross country course in a different state almost every weekend. I received free equipment, shoes, massages, athletic care, anything to ensure success and fast times. I developed friendships that will last a lifetime despite being on different time zones and miles apart.

After all of our athletic wins and feats, we then proceeded to act like your typical college student and create memories with our team as we celebrated with our drinks of choice. I had coaches throughout my four years that both inspired me and challenged my passion for the sport, but I wouldn't change my experience for anything. When people talk about how awesome it would be to be a college athlete, let me be honest.. It's pretty extraordinary and I'm extremely lucky to have had that once in a lifetime opportunity. I was living the dream, this was everything I had ever wanted and worked towards, and then I started to wonder... Who am I when this dream comes to an end?

As I continued my college career and the days left began to dwindle I started to wonder, who am I without this? Who am I when I graduate? My sport has defined me for as long as I can remember and come graduation day I'm no longer the student-athlete racked with success. Instead, I was just another person with a degree and all my accomplishments on the track didn't seem to matter in the real world.

Who am I? What am I doing with my life? What do I love? I'm faced with these questions daily and I am struggling to find the answer. When we devote so much of our time to one aspect of our lives, it's easy to lose yourself when this thing that has defined you for so long is no longer valuable as it once was. Being a student-athlete has its glory, but it will always come to an end.

As athletes, we devote every painstaking moment to our sport. There were days I hated running, I hated the 5 AM practices, I hated the gut-churning feeling as I stepped onto a track. But despite the negative days, I loved what I did. I loved the elation I felt as I surpassed goals set for myself, and stepped onto the podium. I loved how it defined me and gave me a purpose, this path to channel my passion and drive and continue to let it grow.

I know I am not alone as I struggle to define myself without my sport, and this feeling doesn't include just student-athletes. It defines anyone and everyone that doesn't know how to define themselves. I am writing this to remind you that no matter who you were or who you are now, it will get better.

When a part of yourself goes missing, we need to recognize that we are not defined by that missing piece, but instead we are built and moulded into the individuals we are today as a result of it. We are made up of traits, talents, skills, and memories. When we lose one of these valuable pieces of ourselves, rather than dwelling on it, we need to celebrate it.

Celebrate how it has shaped us and prepared us for this next step in our lives. I continue to struggle with my identity every day, but I am slowly learning that I will always be that student-athlete and I will always have my past successes but now they are helping me define my future self. My future self may not be the student-athlete I was, but I will take everything I learned and channel it into the next step of my life.

Often we feel we have one true purpose, but you know what? Screw that. You can be whoever you want to be. I was the runner, the student-athlete and now I will be better. I will take every experience under my belt and channel that aimless passion and drive I now have, into my future self. Its scary as hell to not have a definite goal, but I found myself once before and I will do it again. So can you.

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About the Creator

T M

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