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I’m Sick of College and Want to Bury Myself

An Essay on How I’m Stuck in an Intolerable Hole With the Meanest People in Town. I'm Spiteful and I Don’t Care.

By X RPublished 6 years ago 2 min read
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So far this academic year, I’ve managed to make no friends, only talk to about two people and I ham being constantly put down by my tutor. At the beginning of the year, I was experiencing extreme anxiety and depression due to events that had transpired in the previous year. When I first met my future “tutor” I told them about how I had been experiencing problems and at first they seemed almost supportive. Almost. They claimed that they had dealt with someone before who had experienced the same level of anxiety about being in the class. But the next time I saw them, without my mother, they told me to drop out. Whilst I was sitting opposite them having an anxiety attack, they started to tell me that maybe I should “take a year out” and that they don’t “usually recommend students go on medication” but i should try it. I left the college and tried to scratch the skin off of my face and rip my hair out.

The second incident happened when she failed me for my first project and had finished sending my applications to universities. They started to tell me I wasn’t good enough for the current course I’m on, and told me that I wasn’t going to do well on my dream course at my dream university, despite the fact they have absolutely no idea what my personality is and they just like to use my mental health against me. I started sobbing, again, telling her it was my dream to be on the art therapy course. They replied by getting angry at me and asked why I was rolling my eyes. I ran out of college and got on a train to the beach and drank as much alcohol as I could.

Today, I was given feedback for my most recent project. I managed to pass, but one of the comments she made was so backhanded and now all of these old “wounds” have been reopened. Over the past term I had managed to attend every single class and create work that I was passionate about. They told me I’ve improved but I “still have a long way to go’ even though I have an unconditional place on a fine art course at my dream university, and I also got offers from every other course I applied to. They did not acknowledge this. They then went on to say my portfolio was not good enough for interviews and not aesthetically good enough even though THEY are the one who put all of the work in the order it was presented to the interviewers and told me it was very good, probably because they put it together the self.

All night I’ve been plagued by this person's words and they have put me back in a place I worked hard to get out of.

The reason for me writing this post was mainly for my own benefit, to remember all of the things this person has done and said. Managing to attend college whilst almost constantly having personal problems with family and within myself, being on a very very high dosage of antidepressants just to step foot onto the campus full of horrible judgemental mean people who think I’m a diseased freak, and after dealing with bullying in the past — I’m at my breaking point with her bullying as well.

I am sick of college.

college
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About the Creator

X R

18 year old guiding myself through life with help from art, prawn baguettes and lots of coffee

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